you are gone... I know you will be gone sooner or later after the big one is gone... but I never expect you to go so fast... why is it yesterday night you are still breathing... and this morning, when I wanted to feed you... you just stay motionless... I tot you are sleeping... I always like to disturb you during your sleep... I like to blow air on your body, so that I can see you change your sleeping position... even your heart is small, I still can see your heart beating... I like to touch your fur... I know you enjoy it...

but why this morning I blow air onto your body, you did not move... I cant see your heart beating at all... I touched you... but your body is stiff... I deceived myself that you are sleeping... I tried all the things I usually do... you just stay there motionless... I just cant accept... I broke down.. I panic... I dunno what to do... I called sis and cried again.. I called mum to ask for help... cos I really dunno what to do... I am scared.. should I blame mum for having a unlucky mouth? she said dunno whether you can celebrate cny with us... crying myself out after all the calls... I got the urge to take leave... but I know even I take leave, I also dun dare to do anything... I am lost... you know what... I still dun believe you are gone... I touched you again... you body is stiff and cold... once again, I broke down...

now I am blogging in office.. I am trying my best not to cry in office... I can feel heat in my eyes... anytime, my tears will just drop... and I have applied urgent half day leave... why am I always the one who witness death? 1st is big one... now you...

do you know its very painful to witness death? though you are gone... like big one... you will always be in my heart... in fact both of you will be in the deepest of my heart... though I am upset by your death.. a part of me is glad that you go peacefully... at least you didnt suffer alot of pain like big one... and I am glad that you choose to sleep outside your home... probably you wanted me to know and see you for the last time...

I really dun have the heart to do anything now... not even my closing... all I think is about you... rest in peace my beloved... I will miss you...